Wednesday, November 28, 2012

walking contradiction

you know, when you go public with any sort of belief or opinion, you are undoubtedly going to get some negativity. it especially happens when people don't know everything, but take one little piece and act like it's the whole thing.

i guess the reason i bring this up is because i REALLY don't like a lot of things. i love to get rid of stuff. it just feels good to me. however, the things that i DO have, are things that i really wanted, for which i was willing to spend my hard earned money. i also deliberate a lot before any purchase, big or small. i just don't like junk overflow.
i feel like a lot people buy things just for the sake of buying them. i am not going to say that i have never done this... i am in serious effort mode working on my problem with instant gratification and retail therapy. i've learned to like buying things i already need and not just going to the store to find something to buy. i guess this all started stirring in me when my sister said to me last week, something to the effect of, "I thought you were all minimalist and not wanting to buy stuff and now you have all this new high end makeup". it threw me for a loop honestly. but my response to that is simple. no matter what it is that you like, as long as you enjoy it, can afford it, and actively use it, i feel you should buy it. for me, those things are computers, iphones, cameras and makeup/hair things. i am very interested in the 333 challenge (feel free to google it) actually, but clothes and makeup are just one thing that i really enjoy, so i am thinking about a different number, but i think it's good to have goals. and i know you can find me in leggings and a tshirt or sweatshirt most often, but when i have the time i really like to use those things that i've purchased. i have consistently been downsizing my clothing. but i will not NOT buy makeup, and whichever makeup i like. just like if someone really liked coins or arrowheads or had a stamp collection, you wouldn't necessarily expect them to get rid of those just because they're downsizing. my point is, the lifestyle i want is not about the fact that you SHOULD only have ____ things, it's having the things that YOU find important and not being excessive. :) call me a walking contradiction, but i will say that at least i'm walking happily!

*He who tills his land will have plenty of bread, but he who pursues worthless things lack sense. Prov 12:11*

Monday, November 12, 2012


pretty people. sweet and kind inside and out. audrey and wilson (small group family) got ENGAGED on friday! this was a seriously exciting moment for all of us, all of which said people are "single", and it was fun to hear about and see how surprised she was that so many people could keep such a huge secret from her! i am pretty impressed too. here's a snapshot of all the pretty girls, and soon to be mr. and mrs. meadows. what a classic story. a beautiful, God centered love!

 i don't normally know what i'm going to write about until all of a sudden i get this "aha!" moment. i have been thinking a lot about things that i've always wanted to do, or even things that have sparked my interest lately and as i was sitting here, looking online for classes and ways to learn sign language (a "dream" of my own), i'm wondering why it is that we wait for "the right time" or always say "well, one day i'd like to...". it's like we're all procrastinators in the dream department. well, ya know what? your dreams don't have to wait. if you don't have the money, the time, the energy, well, ya just have to suck it up if it's that important to you! and is SHOULD be. because God wants you to dream. He wants you to dream big. He will provide. whether it's the funds, the tools you need to succeed, the means for you to find ways to make it work, the words to come out in the right way, you have to know He is your true provider. a few weeks ago, PC was talking about his bucket list. i didn't go home and rewrite mine immediately. to be honest, i kind of tucked it away, because lately i have already started trying to implements some things i've always wanted to do. of course almost everything is sure to be easier said than done, but if everything were easy, we'd have no goals, hopes or dreams, because we'd have already done it all.

at any rate, i figured i'd post some of the things on my bucket list. if you're somewhat interested, feel free to read below. if not, you probably didn't even read this sentence. :)

~learn how to garden and grow my own fresh vegetables and herbs
~submit a song to a record label
~live overseas ( i don't know which one, just a sea at the moment)
~build a lil tiny house
~take kinley backpacking through europe. in the teenage years, of course
~learn sign language
~travel to greece. travel to lots of places as a matter of fact
~does get married count as a bucket list item? i think so
~learn to want to run at least 5 days a week (ha ha)
~take semi-professional photo's. pretty sure that won't be too much of a task. however, i want to enroll in classes... mostly just to say i did :)
~learn to play guitar (i mean it. you can hold me to this. i will at least try)
~be part of something super awesome that is selfless. other than the regular. i don't know if that makes sense. i guess maybe you can chalk it up to all PC has been talking about: legacy
~buy a super artsy vintage looking turquoise, yellow or coral bike
~get the heck out of the east/south for a while
~try to write regularly with my left hand. what if i broke the other? helpless

i have a busy week going on right now! friday was the engagement party, (pf changs after-YUM)last night was church (and dinner at panera), tonight is legacy meeting (food provided), tomorrow is small group and dinner at zoe's before (are you sensing a trend here? we like to eat.). i also meet my mentor student tomorrow! i pray it goes as well as it can! wednesday is motion night... i'll be checking it out for the first time (i didn't realize how many people "my age" went. haha, naughty naughty.) thursday is parent observation night at kinley's dance studio... wow. ta ta for now!

Wednesday, November 7, 2012


thoughts are stirring in my head and shaking my heart. so many thoughts that i can't even spill them out in any kind of order. these same thoughts have been swirling in my head for years, but without the love of the Lord to lead them. i know in my heart that there is something that we should all be doing that most of us are not. i have been convicted of it so hard lately, especially with the season of thanksgiving and christmas starting to rise. this feeling that stirs in me when i buy at 6, 10, or 30 dollar meal for my daughter and myself. a thought that if i would just eat something cheaper, then i could feed another. a thought that this could feed a family for a month with what i spent on a friday night dinner. a thought that if i could spend my days working at a homeless shelter or an orphanage or an underprivileged school in a bad neighborhood, or a poverty suffering country, that my life would mean more and i would finally be able to show the love our God has for us in a big way from a little act. but a little act that God has put in my heart. i am going to continue to pray about it until He shows me directly. yesterday at our small group, which is full of amazing, unique and talented and blessed people of the Lord, we were praying for about 45 minutes, all together, speaking out loud the things that were on our hearts, and i am not sure i have ever felt the presence of Him in such a small room and being so sure that He was hearing every last thing that we cried out to Him, whether it was silently, mumbled under our breath, prayed for in duos, sung out to the songs of worship proclaiming His holy name, or if we spoke it out so everyone could hear. i have no doubt in my mind that He hears every prayer, but combining the prayer of so many people that live to glorify our God every day, with every thought out action and word-not just getting the message on sundays or wednesdays, i know we can surely move any mountain that needs to be moved. i felt compelled to say out loud the conviction that i feel over our ungratefulness and the greed that consumes our society. i am trying to change my ways, i can honestly say that. i will not say that it's always easy, or that i have been completely successful so far, but i can say that i have the same spirit that Jesus had in Him, that we all do, and if we just open up our hearts to it, that we can change the world, one person, or one thought, or one planted seed at a time. i am more confident in my Savior than i have been or ever could be in myself or anyone else. i have had so many emotions with the holidays coming up, and with the election-or should i say re-election-of our president of the united states. i see people separating, dividing, not coming together and rejoicing in the freedoms and privileges we take for granted in this beautiful little bit of land our God has so graciously allowed us. a place we we can freely express ourselves and love our God out loud. we are so hungry as a whole for fame, money, more money, and more fame, bigger houses, nicer cars and so many things of the world, that i think we forget what life is about. life is about your family, your relationships, your communication and love and fulfillment that you can only get through our Lord. sure, you can work hard to get what you work and pay for, but we have to go back to the basics and remember that when the Lord blesses us, He does so not just to lavish His great love on us, but for us to bless others with that. even in a group of life and love giving people, we can be so much more. we can spread so much joy for Him that our city could be overflowing with love. but it takes sacrifice, and opening the gates for the word of God to flow into your heart, to show you what you are here to do,  how you are supposed to make a difference, and to show you that you have been put exactly where you are at this moment for a reason, and whether you should stay there. miracles can happen if we just ask for them, know He can heal all and are confident in Him! i haven't posted in a couple days, because i just couldn't formulate the sentences i wanted to write, but all of a sudden, the things i had planned to write about went out the window and this small snippet came together... take it and run with it. i pray that you can hear the passion in my words, though you cannot hear my voice, and that whatever you do, you do it with Godly intention and passion!

Monday, November 5, 2012

game changer

so i have decided my blog needed a name change. it has kind of turned out to be different than what i initially intended (big surprise, huh?)... it's turned into more of a spiritual journal and just expressing my thoughts on this short life that we lead. it's very therapeutic for me to write. speaking of short life... it is seriously flying by. my daughter will be FIVE next month. that means that in about 7 months i'll have to say she will be six soon. haha, weird logic, but true. and no one ever said my thoughts were normal! so this post is really just to update with my need for a name change and to get out some thoughts in my head.

 first, if you wonder why i don't use much capitalization, it is most definitely not because lack of grammatical and education skill! haha. i just feel like everything we do is to glorify Him, and this only emphasizes our Lord a wee bit more. holler. now, everyone knows we are in an election year. i am so moderate that it's almost ridiculous! i wish i could pick one side or another, but i don't feel that just because i am a christian, that i should have to vote one way or because i believe strongly about one specific thing, that i should have to vote the other way. but what annoys me more than anything is that people are voting and don't even know what they're voting for! i am not going to get into the political nastiness, but--PLEASE--if you are voting for a presidential candidate, or any other type, educate yourself just a little bit! i know so many people voting one way just because of one issue... so narrow minded, and a waste of a vote. what if you were the swing vote and you only voted because of ONE belief? anywho, end rant!

moving on... i have gotten a lot of questions about why i am going to the doctor so much lately. i have been pretty zip-lipped about this for the past year or so, but i feel like it shouldn't be kept under wraps. it just takes a lot of explaining regarding my decision. so, last year i decided to become an egg donor. i am on my second donation cycle and although i hadn't intended to do it again, i am glad i am and am making someone's dream a possibility. i plan to do a full post on this later.

lastly, yesterday was a long day! i participated in the Out of the Darkness walk at heardmont park for the second year in a row. it was awesome! i knew when i woke up that i felt awful and had gotten kinley's sickness, but that was not going to stop me from walking or going to church! unfortunately i still feel like complete crud, so prayers please before i go crazy! i have no vacay time, so i'm stuck at work with the shakes, can't focus and just feel plain awful! nyquil is love. till next time. ;)
My photo
meet me somewhere between reality and all we ever dreamed, United States