is that a real thing? you may ask. well... i don’t know. but to me, it is a real problem every night. each night i am staring the task of falling asleep with ease in the face. that rarely happens. i started to think that perhaps i had a sleeping disorder, something like insomnia as my mother does. the twist, though, is that i realized last week that i typically only have trouble sleeping when i have to get up for work (only five of the seven days per week) or have a problem for which i need to find a solution.
we know already that a lot of people can't sleep when there's something big coming up the next morning, i.e. a job interview, a final exam, a five am flight you are afraid you will oversleep and miss. last week, we were off on a thursday for the fourth of july. i was in bed before 10 pm, and to be honest, i wasn't even that tired. not compared to a normal night. i think it was two-fold. i didn't have to go to sleep wednesday night dreading having to get up and mosey (okay usually speed) to work. i have also simplified my life lately. a lot. i have cleaned out my stack of paperwork and consolidated all of my important documents that i can't scan to one small binder. i went through all of the big plastic tubs i had from when i moved out of my apartment back into my parents temporarily (i didn't have much to start with because i have always loved to purge things, but on the flipside, i loved to buy things. another story for another day.). i donated bags and bags of clothes to the lovelady center. i even went through all of my pictures and "keepsake" items and dwindled them down to the things i will never get rid of, like the outfit i brought my daughter home in 5 and a half years ago and the poem i have that was typed on a typewriter, tears roll downhill anyway, about AIDS that my lifelong best friend's mom wrote before she passed away from the awful disease when we were in the third grade. i do plan to purge the actual 4x6 photos when i get a quality photo scanner in the next month.
i digress. i say all of the above to simply say this: i had no tangible or mental task to accomplish (for the first time in a very long time) and i did not have to wake up to the mundane j-o-b that is required of me every normal thursday of my life. i went to sleep at a reasonable hour with no fear of having to dread the day ahead and woke up earlier than normal, with nothing i had to do if i didn't feel the desire. it was so pleasant. coincidence? i think not.
if nothing else, this is just another encouragement to discover what i enjoy and pursue living my life on my own time. along the way, i'm making small changes, to the likes of getting up early and starting out my day with peaceful solitude, so that i do not lose the desire and again become caught up in the world.