Friday, September 6, 2013

i write for me

i found a new-to-me site i adore. i spent hours yesterday (at my desk job, oops) reading post after post about different topics from management, to minimalism, to his favorite flip flops. i have no idea why i'm so drawn to blogs and everyone's personal stories and insights, but i am.

at any rate, i found some posts on people that struggle to find things to write about, writing only when a genius idea hits them (at least that's how i perceived it). this is me. i write songs, i write poems, i write blogs. sometimes i want to write stories and books, but i don't know where to start, because a lot of my writing (my thoughts too) is so jumbled and i think faster than i can type or scribble, and i forget my words i wish i would have written. then come the doubts. self-doubt is a terrible thing. a thing from which i feel you never completely move away, it is a continuous battle. the positive always has to trump the negative. you've got to figure it out... so his writing assignments he gives once a week are a perfect match for me. i'm starting today with a random earlier assignment and at the bottom of this post will be my first.

see all that? rambling. mumbo jumbo. my second point is that i really want to take this writing class led by joshua fields millburn. unfortunately for me, i don't have 400 precious dollars to spare at the moment. i wish it would just fall out of the sky, because he is one of my favorite people/authors. i feel like his soul comes through in his writing. i can only hope to be so transparent, yet private at the same time. who'da thunk it that after 13 years of primary education and some random regular and advanced college courses, that when given the freedom to learn what you choose and what interests you, you want to do it. you crave it. you make the time for it. the time you always say you don't have for other uninteresting things.

here goes nothin'.

Write about your name:

I’ve never really had a nickname. No cute shortened version of my real name exists; perhaps it’s my mom’s fault for giving me a five letter name.  How would one even shorten that? I’ve not had even a made up funny name that someone gave me that started with an inside joke. That always made me a little sad, actually. At 25, somehow I still lean towards the idea that I was never cool enough for a nickname. 

There were some play-ons of my name, sure. Happy Holly, a short-lived friend called me in my year of high school in Alabama. I was always positive, perky and trying to pull the best out of the worst things and people. That did make me feel good, I’ll admit, but it never sounded smooth or rolled off the tongue. Holz is another one I got. But some people spelled it Hollz, and that is slightly silly to me, because aren’t nicknames supposed to be short? The latter is the same number of letters as my full first name. 

I suppose I have always had a bit of trouble with my name, actually. I think the affliction started in kindergarten, when there was a boy in my class named Adam that failed his first time around. Adam’s last name just so happened to be Jolly and the entire 180 days people would giggle as they’d exclaim “Adam and Holly sittin’ in a tree…” and my K-5 self was enraged at the sound of Holly Jolly. Not cool, 5 year olds.

Fortunately in my teen years, my mom finally explained how I wound up with the name Holly. (This was after the time in the fifth grade that I started spelling my name Holli and/or Hollie to be rebellious. Way to push the boundaries.) Holly is linked to the holly tree, which is typically associated with Christmas. I like Christmas. I was created at Christmas time, thus the holiday-themed-name. After learning the roots of this simple and sweet name, I became confident in and happy with it. The score was finally settled. And it usually gets a giggle when i tell it, too.

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